today coach says to me with like, 30 seconds left in the game, he says “mike, the windy city of chicago needs you to make this shot so we can have more points than the boston birds and win a golden trophy”

so i look him right in the eyes and i say to him, i says, “what does ‘make a shot’ mean coach?” he gets a real crazy look on his face like its the first time he played super mario 2 and it was all wack and you had throw turtles at turtles. and i says - “because i dont know that phrase ‘make a shot because i dont know what missing a shot is because ive never ever missed one so i dont call it make or miss i call it ‘jordaning’ coach… see what i did there you mark ass busta?!”

then the foghorn went off signalling the end of timeing out and also that i needed to break a champagne bottle on the new u.s.s. tonguestickingout… then i messed up the coaches whitey mop top and said “now pass me that pigskin so i can jordan it!”

after making sure the orb was fully jordaned, i walked home and deleted all my phone messages from magic jackson.

• michael jordan (an excerpt from my new blog “michael jordan in 1995” - before someone steals my idea and makes an a&e television series)

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